- Taylor Swift folklore
Natural intelligence was both a blessing and a curse.
One conversation held in my sophomore year english class runs through my mind every time I am reminded of this lyric from Taylor Swift’s this is me trying.
“The top of a hierarchy is the bottom of another.” My teacher had gutted me with her words, knowing how true this statement was. Reach a height and there will always be someone higher.
“I was so ahead of the curve …”
Though one could blame my stereotypical mindset on my Asian background and though they might rightfully do so, I am self-aware enough to believe that I played a large role in pushing my own standards.
From preschool up until the sixth grade, I grew an addiction to the praise I received from my teachers. What my peers struggled with in school came naturally to me and I received awards for my effortlessly perfect scores. However, it was not long before I realized that my success in early years cursed me to build a perfectionist persona. From then on, I believed that everything should come naturally to me and I could master anything within minutes of beginning. Subsequent to my graduation from elementary school, it was no surprise that I received a letter regarding my acceptance to the small magnet school in my district.
“… the curve became a sphere”
Because the magnet school I attended combined middle school and high school, I was brought up to the expectations of a high schooler upon entering the seventh grade. There, I found that my new environment hosted students who were all at the top of their classes beforehand. My natural intelligence was challenged among people with the same specialty.
Through the seventh and eighth grades, I had barely scraped by with perfect grades without ever actually studying for a test (looking over the material 5 minutes before the period doesn’t count). It’s not like I wasn’t working hard; I just worked hard in other ways. I stressed about always maintaining perfect grades, I had just never needed to study for a test before. So, I stuck with what I had known my whole life until it failed to work.
My first test for my world history class that I took my freshman year was the first time I remember actually attempting to study. Though my natural intelligence had carried me up until that point, I unfortunately realized that it was no longer enough. I had no idea how to properly study and as the year went by, I found myself falling further and further behind. By being a top student all throughout my early years, I placed myself amongst a hierarchy of people who exceeded me. No matter how perfect I made myself out to be, there was always someone better.
“I ended up here”
Now, I am entering my senior year of high school with two major takeaways.
First, after escaping my freshman through junior years unscathed, maintaining perfect scores, I was able to teach myself how to properly study. Rather than rereading all of my notes the night before and hopelessly trying to let the information seep into my brain, I utilized the methods I learned from taking AP Psychology. Instead, I create a schedule to plan ahead and spread out my studying. The first few study sessions, I do spend time rereading my notes, but in a way that helps me to actually understand rather than memorize. Closer to the date of the test, I find that it helps to find friends and make conversation about the information. Not only is it helpful to learn from them, but being able to also teach them creates a better understanding and identifies gaps in my knowledge.
Second, after years of comparing where I stand among the competitors in my environment, I taught myself to focus on my own personal growth. Ultimately, there is no benefit to being bitter about the achievements of others. While it is true that there will always be someone better, it’s important to realize that the goal was never to be the best out of everyone, but rather, the best versions of ourselves. Turning my attention to my own achievements and reaching my own micro-accomplishments is how I was able to regain the momentum I needed to end up where I am now.
really loved it <3 <3 :')
I have unfortunately been bl-ursed (blessed/cursed) with the same. I did not have to put forth a lot of effort throughout most of my early education and struggled with the strange inconsistent scheduling and independence of college life and found it difficult to really get into a useful routine that worked for me.
As it turns out it is probably not the best idea to go from a completely full rigid schedule with an overly helpful mother that does all the maintenance of life (cooking, cleaning, laundry etc) to a lifestyle that is completely independent where you have to do everything for yourself. This includes actually going to class, making a study schedule, sticking to it, and remembering that your entire future could very well be in the balance. So I wasn’t exactly the best student but it didn’t really start getting bad until my sophomore year.
Anyway, I could write a book about all that, maybe I will someday. But thank you for sharing your story, I find it very helpful when I can read about people that I can relate to going through the same struggles and really getting it. Thank you thank you thank you!!!
Good luck with your journey!